Bridget’s story – losing mum to lung cancer

In March 2025, Bridget lost her mum, Roda to lung cancer. With the support received by Dorothy House, Roda was able to stay at home. Bridget and her family set up a JustGiving page to raise funds for the Hospice, so far raising a wonderful £610.

Here, Bridget tells us about the care Roda received and what Dorothy House means to her and to her family.

Bridget’s story

“My mum was quite a formidable lady; she could own any room she entered. If she entered a room with fifty strangers in it, she would leave knowing something about all of them.

Mum was stoical and, at times, could be a little determined. That determination helped Mum to walk her path with dignity and hope.

Mum was 81, would have been 82 in July. It was in January 2024 that she had surgery for lung cancer. Things didn’t quite go to plan, after which Mum’s plan was adapted. After that, as a family, our focus became more about filling my daughter’s pockets with lasting memories of her grandmother. Every day we had, every moment of laughter and smiles with Granny, we accepted as a bonus.”

Perceptions of the Hospice

“We spoke to our GP, a nurse was also assigned to Mum, conversations were had which explained the choices Mum had. At the time, I remember Mum being of the strong opinion that if she came to the Hospice, even if it was for some respite, she wouldn’t ever leave. We all knew what this meant to her.

I already knew about the Hospice and the beautiful grounds through the support my friends’ families had received in the past.

But mum was steadfast with her opinion though, and as I said, she could be quite formidable at times, some things couldn’t be changed. Though mum had said for a time that when the end was near, she might consider it, her overarching preference was clear, if we could manage it, was that she didn’t need that kind of support and that she wanted to be at home, with Dad. I wanted to respect that wish. Daffodils were mum’s favourite flower; I wanted mum to be able to see her garden full of them.  ”

The journey to hospice care

“At the end of February she was still managing to meet her friend for coffee and was carrying on as normal even though she was very poorly. There came a moment though where she couldn’t manage the supermarket trip, and she had to stay in the car while Dad did the shopping.

I can also remember shortly after, Mum had also asked me to do a huge online shop of canned and dried goods. I realised later that she had been preparing for when she was no longer here with Dad, making sure the cupboards were well stocked.

As we entered into March, we saw a decline; Mum’s hearing and sight started to deteriorate, her motivation to go anywhere or socialise lessened significantly. Her frustration at not being able to do things increased.

I can remember my dad calling me early on a Sunday morning early March. He’d been up during the night with mum, it was clear our situation was rapidly becoming a much more difficult situation for my elderly and unwell father to manage. I didn’t realise that on that day, though I lived an hour away, when I drove to their home to ‘pop in’ to see how she was doing, that I wouldn’t return home, that I would insist that to be safe, mum would remain downstairs and I wouldn’t leave for any length of time, until the very end.

As time passed, with very little sleep, we were struggling more and more, I was also looking after my Dad who attends regular dialysis, which, at the time, wasn’t working properly; he was also becoming unwell and exhausted. At home, my daughter was also approaching her ninth birthday, I realised we had reached a point where something had to be done. It was then that I knew, to keep mum home, to respect her wishes, I needed help.”

Hospice at Home

“And that’s where the Dorothy House team came in. They enabled me to be ‘mum’ to my little girl and ‘daughter’ to my Mum and Dad. Whilst I was trying to hold my family together, I realised it wasn’t something I could do on my own.

When the team rang the doorbell for the first time, as the door each time and thereafter, I can only describe it was like a storm was passing, the clouds were clearing. It was genuinely like someone had removed a huge weight. Every single carer that came in brought something different at a time when we needed it most. My dad would refer to them all as our ‘pennies from heaven’. The relief that we weren’t on our own…words can’t really convey how this felt.

Mum had set herself goals since her diagnosis, one being that she wanted to reach my daughter’s ninth birthday, which was going to be on 24th March. Mum and I had a short but beautiful conversation the morning of my daughter’s birthday. Mum said she was proud and that she loved us. She was clearly in discomfort. We held hands.

Because the carers had taken other pressures away, like personal care, I was able to fully engage in that moment of time and now, it’s a moment I can remember so clearly, and with a smile.

On the day of my daughter’s ninth birthday, we had made some adjustments to her birthday plans. Because of Dorothy House’s carers, my husband was able to bring our daughter closer to where I was, I was able to step out and we met up, spending a couple of hours together, celebrating a birthday.

Afterwards, I went back to my mum, I let mum know that she had made it to my daughter’s birthday, that my daughter had enjoyed her day. I recall at midnight, I held Mum’s hand and said ‘the birthday’s been Mum, it’s ok, we’re going to be ok’. I then went to bed to try and get some sleep. I remember on that night our carer was Sandra. After going up to bed at midnight, Sandra woke me around 2am; I’m sure Sandra knew what was happening, but she was so gentle, so calm and supportive. Dad and I sat with Mum, we chatted with Sandra, we told stories, and we held Mum’s hand.

Mum died just after 4am on the 25th March, though it was my husband’s birthday. Mum had reached her target, she made it past my daughter’s birthday, something I will always be very grateful for…thank you for fighting that bit more mum, for making sure that last memory fell on another day!

Dorothy House’s carers

“I want every single carer who came to know what they’re worth to us. I didn’t always know what day it was, sometimes I was still in my pyjamas when they came to our door, I could only just manage to even open the door to them. Sometimes, with a smile, sometimes with tears in my eyes, or just simply exhausted. But they, not one, ever judged us.

They allowed us to be a family again. They saw us at our best and our worst. It’s not recognised enough what they bring. We would have been, I would have been broken without them. I couldn’t have kept mum at home without them.

Mum’s wish was to stay at home with Dad, and with the Dorothy House carers, we achieved this. I will forever be grateful that both Dad and I were with Mum at the end and held her hand as she drifted away. For us, staying at home was important for different reasons. Mum had always had one of us there with her. Had Mum been in the Inpatient Unit, it would have been difficult for my Dad to get there, and he may have missed precious moments.

I wrote every carer a thank you card afterwards.  My dad was right, each and every one were our pennies from heaven, when we were at our worst, and when we needed them most.

We were always very realistic that every day of memory making with mum was a bonus. But in the end, the amazing team of carers made it as comfortable as it possibly could be.”

Managing grief

“My dad has reached out to Dorothy House for support since she died. I’m very proud of him for it. He’s been going to Coffee Connections in Chippenham and is going to be having some counselling at Winsley.

My mum didn’t quite make it to what would have been my mum dad’s 61st wedding anniversary, only three days after mum died my dad faced the day alone, his grief was, though steadfast in many ways, was immense, understandably so.

The first few weeks after your loved one is not dissimilar to when a life starts. Everyone checks in and wants to know how you are doing for a few weeks and then, because life does go on, it tends to go quiet.

This is when loss and grief starts to be real, at least it was for us. Little things, smells and moments when arrangements have been made, suddenly appear when you least expect it.

The support continued and since, my Dad has and continues to seek guidance and help to help him understand and manage his feelings. This wasn’t easy for him, to reach out, it’s something you can only do yourself when you are ready, but he’s talking though and that’s really important.”

Remembering Mum

“Mum had a non-attended cremation, as she had requested. When Mum and Dad had told me of their plans some months earlier, I wasn’t very impressed! Selfishly I wanted to know how we would be able to say our goodbyes. But having had the experience we have had, I am now a strong advocate for a non-attended cremation. At every stage, we and Mum were treated with the greatest respect, with special and personal touches which we hold in our hearts dearly.

We did a few different things to remember Mum after she died. On the day of Mum’s non-attendance cremation, Dad, my daughter and I recognised the day, together, doing things Mum would have enjoyed doing, going to some of those places we had previously made memories of.

The fundraising for Dorothy House was a way of honouring and remembering Mum and for recognising the incredible work Dorothy House do.

In April I spread the ashes as Mum had requested – some amongst some bluebells, another favourite flower of Mum’s. Where Dad can now go and sit with a flask of tea if he wants to. Somewhere also where there is a view of our childhood home, exactly where Mum wanted to be. ”

What Dorothy House means to Bridget and her family

“When people have a diagnosis of a life limiting illness, they don’t have the resources, the savings required to bring in help.

Dorothy House’s carers are a lifeline, the difference between breaking and not breaking, between being able to cope and not being able to cope, carrying on or giving up.

For those thinking of supporting, it’s a really challenging time for fundraising, but this can affect everyone, and I can’t think of a more worthy cause to fundraise for.”

Supporting Dorothy House

Since Roda died, Bridget has sponsored a Firefly in her memory. You can find out all about our Firefly Appeal here and how the beautiful light installation supports the work of the Hospice.